I had the chance encounter with someone that I had associated with in high school a few years back.  We had not been close but had many mutual friends during our teenage years and our paths had crossed on a regular basis with friendly interaction the norm.  Many years had passed before our paths crossed again at a public function.  I acknowledged her with a smile and greeting, however, she acted as if we had never met and remained very distant.  I thought this strange and took on the burden of her reaction thinking I must have done or said something that warranted the treatment.  Believing this was a one time encounter I didn’t pursue the issue and didn’t even give it much thought for quite some time.  Then,  several months later, she joined the adult dance class I was in.  Again, week after week, she treated me not only as a stranger but as if I didn’t exist.  Wow, I must have really done something, I chastised myself, ceasing my friendly overtures and mentally shrugging because you can’t fix something if you don’t know what the problem is. 

We probably would have remained strangers except our instructor, for some unforeseen reason, decided the adult class was to perform in the annual recital for the first time in over 20 years.   With this simple decision we found ourselves coming together, any past differences set aside, as we bonded over conquering the new obstacles in front of us.   Through this process I never did find out what I had done and honestly was too afraid to ask.  Confrontation was never my strength and I was just grateful for the healing of the relationship.  

Recital over and dance class on break I found myself at a community fundraiser with my husband, seated at a dinner table with my dance friend’s spouse and father-in-law.  Dinner conversation flowed easily as we had much in common to speak about until I was asked if it was true my dance comrade had been horribly mean to me in high school?  I jokingly deflected the question as it was high school, things happen and tried to turn the conversation.  But it was not to be.  Both her father-in-law and husband continued to ask pointed questions about what had she really done, what had she really said, etc. until I finally stated the following.   We were all teenagers trying to figure life out and I was not in a good place during that time.  I am sure we all said things that probably weren’t kind and that I didn’t harbor any hard feelings or resentment.  With relief her husband said something to the effect that was great because she had been feeling guilty and quite bad about what she had done, whatever it was.  

Dinner continued, the subject matter changed and we eventually said our good-byes but later that night I reflected on this sudden detour in my journey.  Yes, she had said some undeserving and hurtful things to me oh so many years ago and had never apologized but I did understand why they were said and I had forgiven her.  She, however, had not forgiven herself.  Thus, her reception of me, when we first met again, was due to her feelings of guilt and nothing I had done or said.  Her response was solely because of how she felt about herself.  

Being human and rooted in the egocentric place I tend to come from, I usually think someone’s response is all about me.  It is about something I did, said, or projected. However, how someone responds to your open hearted greeting generally says more about them and their journey than about you.  Remembering this has not been easy for me and here was God and the Universe trying to teach me this lesson yet again.  It’s not all about me.

I would love to end this story with something to the effect of how our friendship grew and everything had healed but that would be a fairy tale.  I would like to believe in my heart, however, there was healing that took place for my newly re-found friend but I don’t truthfully know.  Our paths haven’t crossed again since that dinner I shared with her husband and father-in-law.  So I take the lesson to heart, understanding we all come and go in each other’s lives as needed to learn, grow and heal so that we may become who we are meant to be. 

Wishing you much awareness and understanding that how someone responds says as much about their journey as it does yours. ~♥~