It was a sunny day, warm for the time of year and seeming like any other day, but it was also the day of my father’s funeral. One that I was hoping to navigate and come out on the other side without feeling completely overwhelmed or having to shut down. I was anxious for many reasons and really just wanted to curl up and hide away from everyone, away from my perceived duties, so I could continue to mourn his passing in private. As always, though, I felt the need to be the strong one. The one who was witnessing this not just for myself but also for my sister, who was unable to attend. I was the one who would hold it together, read his eulogy, and offer comfort to others who were hurting. I would accomplish this while keeping a smile on my face and maintaining a positive outlook.

I had always heard funerals were for the living, and while I had been to several and recognized the basic sentiment of this statement, my father’s funeral painted this truth in vibrant colors. It was at his funeral, meeting and chatting with so many other people who had been a part of his life, that I realized I knew only one small part of him despite having lived in the same household for over 18 years, having had a relationship that had grown from child and parent to more like friend or mentor as I too experienced what being a parent was like. I listened as people he worked with, went to church with, and had been friends with described someone that seemed a stranger to me. Each story revealed another part of my dad that, while I realized on some level existed, I had not experienced.

I have pondered this experience many times in the intervening years and wondered at the lesson. Was the lesson that parents can only be a parent with their children and be themselves with other adults? Perhaps, but maybe there is more to this as the stories of my dad seem to communicate. Perhaps it demonstrates that we don’t fully see others, no matter the relationship. Truly, we don’t have a 360-degree view of them, we see only what they wish to share, and I believe as well, only what we want to see.

So the roles we play, the labels we let define us, can keep us boxed in, not revealing who we are to the world. And honestly, I’m not sure I even allow me to fully see me. So perhaps the challenge is to see myself and, in seeing myself, to honor what I see. To acknowledge the good and the bad, the labels and expectations. To let this provide insight and perhaps a point of reference, but not let this define who I am. In being able to do this with myself, hopefully, I will be aware, what I see in others doesn’t define who they are capable of being when I wish to judge them.

Wishing you, dear friend, a 360-degree view, with compassion and without judgment, of yourself on your heartfelt journey. ~♥~

Life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see.

~Unknown~