My husband has joked with me through the years about my visits to the beach.  Though I enjoy the beach I had developed a very particular experience that I wanted to have when there.  It couldn’t be too hot or too cold.  Too sunny or too cloudy.  I did enjoy a slight breeze but definitely not something that could be called wind.  I enjoyed the sand when it was warm to walk on, too hot was definitely not preferred and too cold was not fun.  He even teased me that there was too much sand.  (Sad to say there were a few times when I would bemoan the amount of sand that kept finding itself on my towel.)  I was Goldilocks personified.  

The beach wasn’t the only place or time I had become somewhat rigid in how I wanted an experience to play out.  I found I was not allowing myself to be uncomfortable no matter the situation.  From external to emotional cues, if there was discomfort I was going to avoid it.  Good vibes and energy only.  Pleasant experiences only.  Happy people and conversation were the only engagements.  Discourse, disagreement, sadness, anger and too cold, too windy, too hot, too sunny or too cloudy environments were to be avoided at all costs.  I had decided comfortable was where I wanted to live.  What I didn’t understand was what I was losing by being comfortable.

Over time life became somewhat monochrome.  Sure I didn’t have to deal with annoyances or unpleasantness but that also meant I wasn’t fully experiencing the other aspects of life.  Happiness was elusive and joy had become nonexistent but more importantly it meant I had stopped learning and growing.  With no discomfort there was no motivation for me to experience something new.  There was no incentive to change.  Indeed, in wanting to be comfortable at all times it inhibited my actions, explorations and discovery.  The pure wonder of spontaneity no longer existed.  I had slowly built an invisible cage around my daily activities limiting what I would do to remain in the comfort zone.  

Living in this comfort zone also meant resentment began to build.  In not wanting to cause any disagreement that would cause me discomfort I kept silent.  I wouldn’t voice my needs or desires if they were contradictory to the norm or might create trouble for someone else.  I kept quiet more often than not when ideas or perspectives  were discussed with which I didn’t agree.  Everyone being comfortable, including myself, was more important than me being me.   

What I had first thought was an ideal way to lead my life I found to be exhausting, disheartening and ultimately dissatisfying because truly, part of being human, is to experience life.  Part of living is also being true to who we are and not who we think others want us to be.  Often what we consider the bad and the indifferent are inherently a part of who we are and all of it serves us in some way.  Learning how to accept things without little to no judgement and learn from them has allowed me to pivot back to a life that is full of discovery, hope, joy and growth.  Learning to embrace the uncomfortable, at least at times, has allowed me to be me, the good, the bad and the amazing.   

Wishing you dear friend strength and insight as you learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. ~♥~