Sometimes the journey is easy and joyful, some times it is challenging and back breaking.  It is the back breaking ones that teach us how to grow, to uncover the parts of us that are in hiding. It was one these paths I found myself on unexpectedly (and probably how it should be) more recently. 

Due to injuries and new babies at work I took on many additional duties and worked extended hours to get our family owned business through our two busiest seasons of back-to-school and Christmas.  During that time my husband (he had employment completely separate from our business) also had back surgery and was out on disability for an extended period.  Just to make the situation more interesting, our family dog tore her ‘ACL’.  She had surgery as well, necessitating extended care and rehab at home which my husband was unable to assist with due to his health.  So I was the caregiver, the cheerleader, and the nurturer for both as well shouldering the added workload and hours at the business.  

The great thing was I made it through to the first of the year.  Exhausted, but I made it and I remember telling my husband that I felt weary, completely depleted.  He basically laughed it off and told me I was just being melodramatic, a wimp and I needed to suck it up.  So I did, because as wives, as moms, as business owners, that is what we do.  Square our shoulders and go ‘Okay, next?’

The first couple of months of the year rolled by with no dramatic occurrences but neither did I take care to invest in myself.  I took no time and made no effort to replenish the wells of patience, kindness, love and nurturing that I had so completely depleted. In retrospect, a mistake and a lesson well learned because then the big one hit. 

My mother’s much needed neck surgery for a life threatening condition had just been scheduled when my father called.  The day before he had been diagnosed with Stage IV liver cancer.  Treatment had not begun yet, his doctor was still deciding how best to proceed, but he was reaching out to his family with the news.  It was rather a shock as he had been treated for bladder cancer and had been cleared just three months earlier, so stage IV of any kind of cancer seemed to come from left field.   I had worked in the medical field for enough years when I was younger that I knew what the diagnosis meant.  And yet, I couldn’t race down to his home to be with him, I had to stay with my mom.  She had no one.  He had a wife.  

So began the journey of saying good-bye to my father.  We were fortunate, we had a few months.  We were able to revisit some favorite memories and make new ones as we got to know each other better as adults.  And then it was good-bye.  He left this world the day my husband and I met in 1981  and on the same day my brother-in-law was born some 62 years before.  A bittersweet day now as it is a day of promise embroidered with sadness.  

Thus was the path that lead me to one of the darkest times in my life but it also lead me to some of the most wondrous discoveries about myself, others and the world.  It also lead me back to my faith.  My faith in the world.  My faith in the universe.  My faith in Christ.  And ultimately my faith in myself.   

Remember, no matter how dark the path is, to always have faith in yourself on this heartfelt journey! ~♥~