Being vulnerable and just being yourself in this world is truly frightening.  There are so many masks that we wear depending on the role and the situation, and while many times there is logic behind these behaviors, there have been times I have found myself hiding behind this mask.  Keeping the mask on.  Not saying what I want or believe and putting up with disrespect and disparagement for the sake of the cause.  For fitting in.  Ultimately this has come at the expense of my emotional wellbeing, not understanding the importance of establishing the line in the sand for my fundamental beliefs and how I should be treated.  More recently I began to understand these lines are necessary and are key to a healthy and joyful life. With this new found knowledge and understanding I have removed myself from environments that were not healthy for me and when the individual(s) were not willing to acquiesce to my requests for change.  Not an easy thing to do but a necessary action for healing.  When we do this, however, sometimes we let others cage us in too much in not wanting to experience discomfort, pain and unwanted feelings.  

Recently, a friend who is currently experiencing some push back as she is trying to find some solutions for challenges in our community, reached out to me knowing I have a bit of experience with this.  She was looking for some guidance and perhaps some words of encouragement.  I explained to her that I had removed myself from situations she was describing for my own health.  It was at this point she made the following observation, ‘So many who are trying to make positive changes end up not voicing their opinions or pursuing the actions they initiated because they feel the need to protect themselves, their families or the their livelihoods.’  I completely identified with this sentiment as we live in a small community and both of us own small businesses that while successful, do survive because of the benevolence and patronage of the community.   

As our conversation continued I acknowledged her concern but explained to her that even though I had removed myself from the environment (perhaps a Foundation or Board) that didn’t stop me from still voicing my opinion to others or continuing to work in my own way on what I thought a solution might be.   I stay true to my beliefs but keep an open mind and try to keep a respectful dialogue going.  I find other avenues to make the difference I wish to make be it another organization or different group of people.  Ultimately, I choose to try to make the difference while respecting the boundaries I have set.  As I expressed this to her and she continued questioning me I realized there is no set plan on how to do this and for each person the course of action may be different depending on the set of circumstances and parties involved.  

Dear friends, here is the tricky part, at least for me.  Setting boundaries and respecting them is a healthy habit.  We generally set boundaries to avoid discomfort and unwanted feelings and/or treatment.  But some discomfort is good.  It leads to growth.  It leads to expansion.  It leads to becoming more of who we are meant to be.  It is playing big, not playing small.  So for me, I still allow myself to experience some discomfort but I pay more attention to it so that it doesn’t grow into something else.  Like a small wound neglected and not given support to heal, discomfort can fester into a greater wound of resentment and anger.  The greater danger for me, however, is not being true to who I am and letting others decide for me as I keep silent.  

For you dear friends I wish you strength in finding your voice and much comfort and success as you face the challenges of being your true self on your heartfelt journey.  ~♥~