It’s ugly, it’s beautiful, and it’s complicated. There is pain, and there is joy, frustration and acceptance, gratitude, and sadness. With so many contrasts in one relationship, it is hard to define my feelings for my mother. It is also why I feel a contradictory ambiguity, sprinkled with guilt, as each Mother’s Day approaches.

I know I am not alone, and I am sure even the best mother-child relationships are not easy because life is messy. Life is not always the sparkling, fun, happy journey we envision. For me, feeling all my life I have been more a parent or caregiver to my mother than she to me, Mother’s Day brings about many challenges.

I love my mother and want to honor her, but just picking out a card is a daunting task. I don’t want to mislead her with statements I don’t believe, yet I want her to feel loved and accepted. I want to celebrate her, but I yearn also to celebrate myself. I don’t wish to hurt her, but I’ve learned I need to honor my feelings as well. Finding the balance with so many emotions and priorities tugging for my attention is challenging.

Perhaps the balance is in also celebrating and honoring my own inner mother. The inner voice which has whispered encouragement when my mother couldn’t. The inner voice who reassured me I was loved when my mother couldn’t. The inner voice that taught me how to face the pain and nurture myself when she couldn’t. And, in choosing this path and honoring myself, I find new understanding and acceptance of the past. Recognizing on a new level, my mother couldn’t be the mother I wanted because of who she was, her limitations, and where she was in her journey, not because of who I was or what I did as a child. I was not responsible for my mother being the way she was.

This Mother’s Day, I am grateful I still have the opportunity to hold my mother’s hand as we explore her childhood memories as well as mine. Thankful we have found some healing and acceptance of who we each are. Grateful to remember those times she was able to be a parent to me, yet honoring and thanking my inner parent for taking care of me when my mother couldn’t. Sunday, I will celebrate my mother with gratitude and honor my inner mother for all that she has done for me through the years.

Wishing you, dear friend, much loving awareness in recognition that, as children, we are not responsible for our parents’ actions or inactions, as well as gratitude for your inner parent keeping you safe and loved in those times of need on your heartfelt journey. ~♥~

How would you nurture her if you were the mother of little you?

~Kris Carr~