I recently had the experience of witnessing a young person standing up for her beliefs against a strong adult.  While she initially felt good that she had defended herself, she later regretted having done so as she felt this had made the difference in her being able to achieve the position she was seeking.  I witnessed her pain when the news was delivered, watched as she struggled to accept how the events had played out and listened as she spoke those words so many of us have uttered, ‘If only…’  

And so I struggled.  I wanted to tell her that compromising who she is to attain something is not worth the trade.  I wanted to tell her she was beautiful and perfect just the way she was.  I wanted to tell her this didn’t define her but would help her grow.  I wanted to tell her everything would be okay though she felt her world had just collapsed.  Instead, I told her that this just meant there was a better opportunity more suited to her in the future.  She nodded in agreement, but I could tell though she appreciated the words, they didn’t have the healing affect I had hoped.  So then I embraced what she was truly feeling and said, ‘But it still hurts.’  

With this simple statement, this verbal acknowledgement of what she was feeling, she took a deep breath, let it out slowly, relaxed her shoulders and with a small smile, said ‘Yes, it does.’  

With that simple exchange she reminded me of how important it is to witness what someone is experiencing and not dismiss it.  To not deflect unwanted emotions even when we are not experiencing them directly. Not an easy thing to do as it is hard enough to lean into our own unwanted or negative emotions.  But when we deny them we give them strength.  When we acknowledge and embrace them we give them a chance to heal.

Here is to embracing the unwanted and finding healing on your heartfelt journey! ~♥~