We all have expectations of ourselves and others.  In many instances it is a function of being a part of society, filling the roles that have been structured for survival of the community.  I don’t know about you dear friend, but, the expectation to be some one other than who I am has been an influence throughout my entire life.  Either to present a more professional presence, be more fun and impulsive (I tend to be serious and introspective in nature), to be more outgoing with new people, more forthcoming in large groups of people or to not be sooooooo sensitive.  These are some of the areas I have often fallen short in, receiving criticism and judgement consistently through my life, to the point I believed that who I was was not okay.  I believed I needed to be someone else and so I changed as best as I could.  

I changed how I presented myself, hiding who I truly was behind a mask.  Instead of being sensitive I began to shield myself and avoid any situations that would shine the light on this part of me.  I made myself approach strangers and then would berate myself for not being personable enough when their response was not the one I wanted.  I would endure time spent participating in large groups of people with a smile plastered on to prove I was having fun just like everyone else.  I was doing my best to play the part that was expected of me and I found that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how often I subjected myself to these uncomfortable situations, not only was I not living up to others expectations, but I was making myself miserable.  

A turning point for me was when I heard the words, ‘When we compare ourselves to others, we deny who we are.’  By trying to be like others, whether the expectation was set by myself or other people, I was denying who I was.  And truly, we are all children of God, made perfectly in his love.  So if God made me perfectly in love, then there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me.  The ‘me’ I was trying to change didn’t need to be different.  I was perfect just the way I was.  

Now the challenge was to figure out how to remain me, an overly sensitive, introspective, introvert and still function within the parameters of society.  So the real work begins.  Yes we are all perfect the way we are, but part of who we are is the ability to learn, grow and change.  So I learned from observing my husband, who has never met a stranger, how to meet people I didn’t know.  I also learned from him how to navigate large groups more adeptly.  Are these comfortable situations for me? Not really, but I feel more confident about being able to handle them.  As for the toooooo sensitive part of me, I have learned to embrace this.  It is fundamentally who I am.  Call it empath or highly sensitive, it is a basic part of me and tends to go hand in hand with my introversion.  So I am learning skills to maneuver through situations and experiences while not denying these parts of me.  

Skills that I have found helpful include; being more present, setting boundaries for myself and abiding by them, asking myself if what I am feeling is mine, accepting that I need alone time not because I am antisocial but because it is healing for me and ultimately, loving myself for just being me, quirks and all.  And ironically, in acknowledging I am okay just as I am, I have become more light hearted and spontaneous.  Sometimes healing one aspect of our lives heals others.  

This journey of discovery hasn’t been easy and it’s not over.  I continue to go deeper with the techniques I have found helpful and I am also exploring other ways to fit in with this crazy world and yet still be me.  I would love to hear from you dear friends how you honor who you are while on this roller coaster we call life!

Wishing you much honor and love for just being you on your heartfelt journey! ~♥~