No.  It is a simple one word statement.  A word made of just two sounds.  A word to tell someone the ‘opportunity’ they have presented me is not one I wish to take.  This single word, however, has been rather elusive in my vocabulary when being asked to help or assist someone.  I have witnessed plenty of people that don’t have trouble saying ‘no’ and they have told me it’s easy.  Just say ‘no.’  Despite this advice I kept finding myself with too many tasks and responsibilities.  I wasn’t letting this word do the heavy lifting for me.  If you are like me, seeing need and not wanting to let people down, here are some steps I have found helpful in letting this simple two letter word work for me.  

The first step I took was to literally practice saying ‘no’ in front of the mirror.  Initially my delivery was with a very soft, kind and almost regrettable tone which was often not effective.  After some feedback from a friend and with some practice, I changed to a firm but kind delivery with a simple ‘No, but thank you’ without explanation or excuses.  This stopped many follow up requests which had become my kryptonite.  

My second step was to ask to think about the offer and perhaps ask for more detail about what yes would mean.  While I had my ‘No’ delivery down, I was still finding myself acquiescing far too often without thinking through or fully understanding what a ‘Yes’ to the request might really mean.  When I followed back up with the person sometimes the answer was ‘Yes’ but accompanied by parameters of what I was willing to do.  To my surprise these were almost always accepted, I just had to hold myself as well as others to what we had agreed. 

Ultimately what made me realize the value in saying no was reading a statement from someone (I truly wished I remembered so that I could thank them) that saying no allows us to be open to future possibilities that may be healthier choices or what we truly want to do.  This rang so true for me.  I had missed family outings, fun with friends and many other opportunities for myself because I had not said no often enough to others’ requests.  I had not valued my future time.  

With these steps in place and learning to think about what is right for me, just saying no has become much easier.  I am still learning and growing and believe this will be on ongoing practice for me like so many others.  The patterns of a lifetime run deep, but with patience and mindfulness change can happen.  

Wishing you, dear friends, much love and time for your future self as you decide whether to say ‘No’ or ‘Yes’ on your heartfelt journey.  ~♥~