Being an HSP in a culture that doesn’t value kindness (Nice guy finishes last!) or the other traits we tend to have is challenging.  I have often felt like I was the odd one out, a square peg trying to fit in the round hole, and I had no one with whom to share these similar experiences. So I adapted. 

Feeling like there was something wrong with me I denied my feelings, my responses.  Crying was not socially acceptable, it is a sign of weakness.  Being silly and celebrating in pure joy was only for children, adults have responsibilities and are reserved, not allowed to show excess emotion.  Every minute of every day is to be dedicated to being productive, that is how you get ahead.  Hustle is valued, rest and reflection are not allowed.  The list goes on.  With these messages I decided I could be tough like everyone else.  Loud music, not a problem.  Overwhelm was just in my imagination or I was being too sensitive.  I didn’t need to be kind and see how everyone else is affected by things but rather just consider how I am affected and make decisions from that singular viewpoint, unless that meant not engaging socially.  And the real winner; my feelings weren’t important, only the facade that everything was okay.  Always.    

Once I became aware (due to the kind and insightful words of a generous person) that how I experience the world is perfect for who I am, despite what society deems is the correct way, I began a journey of discovering myself again.  I began getting to know who I truly am.  

At a point in this part of my journey I found myself seeking out more and more information in an effort to learn more, to grow more in my understanding of my own human behavior.  I was striving to become better at this thing we call life.  Soon I realized that I had replaced the productivity demands with learning and growth demands.  (Oh the patterns and conditioning run deep!)  With this realization I began unsubscribing to newsletters, listening only to the podcasts I really enjoyed and not taking every opportunity presented to learn more.  But the pull towards personal growth seemed to dominate my daily narrative indicating there was something there.   What that something was I couldn’t quite put my finger on…  

Then validation and approval enter.  Something we all seek.  Something that is necessary for our emotional health.  Something that anchors us to our communities and families.  And yet not something that we can always expect from others.  A couple months ago the realization set in that I was consistently seeking this validation from others.  I was falling into the old habit of guarding my words and actions so that others would agree with me, accept me, validate me.  And yet, I had learned this was not  healthy for me.  I had learned that this was not the path for me but here I was meeting myself at the place I thought I had left behind.   So if it wasn’t in my best interest to contort into what someone else expected of me to gain this acceptance, what were my options?  To accept myself.  To validate myself. To acknowledge the choices I made or the feelings I had were my choices and my feelings and to embrace them in their entirety, not just those that I felt someone else would accept.  Sure, sometimes my actions, upon reflection, were not what I would have desired but I am human.  I am allowed to make mistakes, and they were my mistakes, from which I could learn.  

And this dear friend brings me back to my quest for growth, for self-improvement which is not what I was truly seeking.  That was just a distraction as I chose to again listen to society.  The reality is, I was truly seeking self-acceptance for who I am right now in this moment.  Not who I am tomorrow, or the next day.  Not who I am after the next course or the next book.  It is self-acceptance of who I fully am in the present, no strings attached.  

Wishing you dear friend much love and self-acceptance in the moment, anchoring yourself back to who matters most on your heartfelt journey.  ~♥~