Something I have been challenged with in my relationships more often than not, are not responses of a nature I didn’t expect like anger, judgement or not understanding, but rather the lack of response.  The silence.  The non-acknowledgement.  The lack of follow through on a commitment made and then no communication. 

I have found this very disheartening and always look to myself for the reason why.  What did I do or say or what could I have done or said differently?  Many times, despite all the soul searching, I can’t identify what I did or said that led to the silence.  When it has been family or close friends I have chosen to confront them as kindly as possible, and perhaps not so surprising, the answer is not about me.  It’s about them.  Where they are in their journey, their day to day life.  With others, be it at work, social circles or volunteers with the latest cause I have joined, very rarely will I confront the person.  I just perceive it as a lack of respect for me.  But here is the reality, what someone’s response to you is, says more about them than about you, even when the response is silence.   Easy to say, a little harder to accept and put into practice.  So here are a few tactics I use that I have found helpful.  

The first is to set some boundaries and clearly delineate what my expectations are for a response, be it timeline or some other quantifier.  Sometimes my expectations are not realistic for their situation and we can make adjustments.  This straightforward communication clears up differing expectations coming into play.  

The second is to offer different means of communication.  We all have preferred methods of reaching out to someone (phone, text, email, in person) and establishing what works best for the situation and individuals involved will sometimes alleviate the issue.  

The third is to be empathetic and to understand there may be elements playing a part that I know nothing about.  In doing this I am often able to let go of the disrespect I have felt.  That wasn’t the intention behind the lack of communication but rather my interpretation.  And, truthfully, the reality is their world is much bigger than just lil old me.  

Finally, I stay true to myself.  If the nonresponse is repeated again and again, I show myself respect by exiting from the environment to the best of my ability, trusting that is no longer a place/friendship/group I am to be a part of.  Ironically, at times, just beginning the extrication process will suddenly open up lines of honest communication.  

Truly, I get it, life happens.  I’m not proposing people are to be berated over simple mistakes or from over extending themselves.  I’m also not suggesting that every time the response is silence I am innocent.   I am just learning to show myself the respect I deserve so that I don’t sit in resentment.  Because ultimately, resentment from miscommunication is not helpful for anyone’s journey. 

Let me know ways you have successfully handled the silent responders in your life below!

Wishing you much peace and respect on your heartfelt journey! ~♥~