If you have children, especially of school age, summer is quickly coming to a close.  Mornings of sleeping in, not worrying about having lunches packed or if school clothes are clean and homework is done are soon too be a distant memory of luxury.  Though my children are grown I remember those times well and I recall hanging onto those last few mornings of peace.  No rushing to the car, no tears or harsh words for not being ready as expected.  Every year I would hope it would be different but, like groundhog day, the process would repeat itself to a great degree.  Invariably the protocols I had put in place to help prevent the mad dash out the door on school mornings seemed to work only when they wanted.  And, invariably, it was myself I would hold accountable.  Other mothers seemed to have it much more together.

It was as I was visiting with some mothers recently these memories came back, just as clear as if they were only last spring.  I listened as they shared stories of past morning failures and experienced with them the dread they felt anticipating the upcoming school year.  As the conversation continued they also began discussing how inadequate they feel as mothers.  The ‘mom shame’ that seems to permeate our culture as we compare ourselves to others.  The stay at home moms versus the working moms.  The moms that prepare from scratch all meals and treats that are brought to the classroom versus those of us who believe cooking means either the crockpot or takeout and that baking is done at the bakery.  And then you have the crafty or DIY moms that make Valentine’s Day cards for each individual child to fit their unique personality and those of us that can read a spreadsheet at a glance any day but can’t draw a recognizable stick figure.   It’s almost like there are competing teams in a Mom competition and not just one Mom Team with everyone working together to raise the youth in our communities.  

Their conversation troubled me as I remembered the same feelings, though not to quite the extent they were describing.  I wanted to reassure them they were awesome moms and to celebrate their strengths.  That loving our children is THE most important thing we can do.  The reality is we can’t be everything all the time.  It is literally impossible no matter how hard you work or how much you berate yourself.  And yet, I didn’t share my thoughts. I wasn’t sure if with the differences in our journeys (they are moms currently in the trenches I am an empty nester) they would be accepting of what I had to say.  So I just commiserated.

I would like to share with you dear friends, however, what I learned and was reminded of from the conversation.  Everyone’s journey is different and comparison is not fair.  We don’t know all of anyone’s story, only what we see or they have shared which is usually a very small portion.  As women, mothers and sisters, it is our job to build each other up, not to tear down as society already has a knack for doing that.  Celebrate each other’s skills and talents and don’t judge ourselves against them.  Finally, to give ourselves grace and forgiveness for not being everything to everyone at all times. 

Wishing you much love, compassion and grace for yourself on your heartfelt journey! ~♥~