Looking forward to a couple of days with no work obligations, the weekend is always enticing as it sparkles with opportunity.  A little time to catch up on my reading.  A bit of time to take care of home finances and maybe even some housework.  Spend sometime with my husband not worried about what time it is.  Sleep in perhaps, or, perhaps take an extra long walk with Sierra, my dog.  Better yet, a long hike on dirt paths surrounded by green foliage and maybe wildflowers or at the beach listening to the music of the ocean.  Those are the enticing activities with which I so often look forward.  And sometimes, I push those things aside when an unexpected opportunity presents itself for adventure,  a new place to explore or people to chat with that I don’t normally see.  Housework can wait.  The bills can wait.  My exercise routine can wait.  

This past weekend was one of those in which I chose the unexpected adventure.  I had things I wanted to catch up on, put a check mark by them on the list so I didn’t carry the energy of work undone, but I chose instead to take a drive out to where the wildflowers bloom in the spring.  A place we had been before but didn’t always time it right for the display of color.  So I put aside the plans I had made and went in search of wildflowers and a day of harmony.  

Disappointment is probably too strong a word as I quickly realized the drive I envisioned was changing rapidly as the caravan size changed, we made unanticipated stops and was told, ‘Wildflowers?  Wrong time of year.  Perhaps next month.’  Determined to stay in the moment I did find enjoyment in the day.    We took a different path into the park than we have in the past affording a new perspective of this remote area.  I met some very nice people and had interesting conversation as we savored our picnic lunches in the open air overlooking a vast panorama of wilderness clothed in varying shades of green and brown brush with hills rising in the distance.  I listened with a smile to meadowlarks as they called back and forth in the stillness of nature.  And I spent time with my dear husband with no deadlines, just listening to music as we traveled and enjoying our easy conversation.    

Yet, once we were home it was difficult for me to let go of  this lingering sense of if I had it to do over I would have chosen differently.  And then I would chastise myself for not being grateful for the experience and I would try to logic my way out of feeling like I had made a wrong choice.  When that didn’t dispel the feeling then I would stuff it.  Banish it.  Not validate it hoping it would go away.  

Here is the funny thing about feelings for me, however.  The more I try to pretend they don’t exist, the more I try to deny them life, the stronger they become and the more life they gain.  Consciously I know this, but old patterns are ingrained and defaulted to unconsciously.  Once I became aware that I was trying to avoid the feelings of frustration, disappointment and even some anger, I made the decision to embrace them.  To see them and acknowledge they have every right to exist.  To hug them and hold them no matter the logics of the situation.  And, as I have found before,  it is in acknowledging these feelings, validating their existence and embracing them, that they dissipate and I am able to let go and accept the day for what it was, an unexpected adventure that would not have been one of my choosing, and yet, enjoyable in its own respect, with lessons along the way.  

Wishing you dear friend the ability to embrace and acknowledge those unwanted feelings in the process of letting them go and being able to embrace the journey, no matter how it unfolds on your heartfelt journey.  ~♥~